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The Weltchek Weekly

Your Bulletin for Better Business Writing

 
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Your Bulletin for Better Business Writing

Take Something Off

  • Category: Edit
  • |
  • On February 5, 2014

Have you ever written something like this?

  • It’s been a genuinely remarkable year.
  • Your donation will dramatically transform lives.
  • It’s a revolutionary new take on a traditional barre workout.

Why the hype?

I’m referring to genuinely, dramatically, and—depending on how groundbreaking the barre workout is—revolutionary or new. We think these words (and others like unique, very, and critical) make our points stronger and more credible, but they can have the reverse effect.

A remarkable year is a stellar year! But when you tell me it was genuinely so, I get the feeling you’re convincing yourself so you can convince me. If my donation is going to transform lives—or even a single life—that’s reason enough to get out my checkbook. Transformation, by definition, is dramatic. And if your barre workout can give me toned arms, sculpted thighs, tightened glutes, and defined abs, it is… well, it’s just plain revolutionary.

Fashion stylists advise women to stand in front of the mirror and remove one accessory before going out the door. The same goes for copy. Show some restraint. Your message will be the stronger for it.

Learn about my customized writing workshops for communications and marketing teams.
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